Things said by the flight attendants on our plane today:
- To those of you who listened to the safety instructions, thank you. To those of you who didn’t, good luck.
- Remember it’s open seating, so feel free to pick any available open seat… in other words, sit down so we can get going.
- If you see someone cute, sit by them; you might find yourself with a new love interest. If you end up hating them, don’t worry; you’ll probably never see them again.
- Flight Attendant 1: “With my hawkeye vision, I can see a bag about 5 feet from the front of the aircraft sticking out of the overhead bin. Let’s take care of that now so we aren’t delayed any further.”
Flight Attendant 2: “With your what vision?”
FA 1: “My hawkeye vision. It’s a MacGyver thing.”
- Flight Attendant: “What’s your baby’s name?”
Us: “Brooklynn.”
FA: “You’re last name isn’t Bridge, is it? Sorry, you’ve probably heard that one a million times. No? Well, thank you, I’ll be here all flight. Are you going to have more kids? You’re not going to do a bouroughs theme, are you? Although, maybe Bronx wouldn’t be such a bad name. It sounds masculine enough.”
- Welcome to Denver. We’ll cut right through the community chest stuff and tell it to you straight: Thanks for giving your money to us. We appreciate it. And we’d really like it if you bought another ticket, say tommorrow.
- (After we both ordered Dr. Pepper as a beverage) Are you all from Texas? No, because that’s a Texas drink.
- And remember, federal regulations prohibit forming a line by the front lavatory by the cockpit, so either wait in your seat until you see that the lavatory is open or feel free to congregate in the rear of the plane. We’re business in the front, party in the back.
