To: Tenant (Beta) Re: Termination of Tenancy for Non-Payment of Rent and General Discomfort You Have Caused Your Landlord
Address of Rental: Your mother's belly
After all previous attempts at negotiating a mutual settlement, including frequent trips up and down stairs, food containing garlic, and long walks around the neighborhood, we find ourselves out of options. You are encroaching upon the space of numerous internal organs and you have visitors who have already changed schedules to accomadate your arrival into this world.
At this time, we have been in the hospital for about 15 hours. Water has broken. A restless night has transpired. Things are effacing and dialating as we speak. And we have you under constant surveilance through a variety of monitoring devices and private detectives. They come in to check on you every hour or so, and all signs point to an eviction sometime this afternoon or evening.
Consider yourself warned.
Thank you, The Management
P.S. - Your mother would just like to say that epidurals are THE AWESOME. And popsicles are pretty good as well.