Humans – 2, Rabbits – 1

Perhaps you noticed in the lawn mowing demonstration that our lawn is a decent shade of green considering the lack of moisture we’ve had this summer. Oh the wonders of an installed sprinkler system and paying money for the right to use said system to distribute water over said lawn. If you did notice, you are not the only one. The neighborhood rabbits have also taken a liking to our backyard buffet; they would be fine guests except they stay too long, eat too much, and don’t leave a tip. At first, stepping out onto the back porch was enough to send them scampering for the street. Then a rock or two in their general direction was motivation for them to move along.

There is one rabbit that has claimed our yard as his own. I’m not sure if there are rabbit gangs or turf wars, or hop-by shootings going on, but his claim on our yard apparently extends to humans. He is no longer scared of me, rocks, loud noises, or even anguished down-on-my-knees begging for him to stop eating the grass. When caught in the act, if he can be bothered to move at all, he casually steps under the deck and naps while I storm above in an attempt to scare him away. Last week, he yelled at me to keep it down and that he was trying to take a nap. That was the last straw.

Other yards in our neighborhood have chicken wire on their fences to prevent the lepus from entering into their yards. We had chicken wire in the garage left behind by the sellers. I guess it was just a little too far down the list of things to do for them to ever get to. One evening, I put it the wire on the fence, taking care to keep it low enough that a rabbit couldn’t fit underneath. I also checked under the deck to make sure I wasn’t fencing the rabbit into the yard.

Humans 1, Rabbit 0.

This seemed fine for several days. No rabbits, not nocturnal gang activity in the yard. The grass started to fill in the bare spots and life was good. We could once again sit on the deck and enjoy a cocktail without fear of any killer were-rabbit attacks. Until one morning, when all sense of security we had was brutally shattered.

On our gravel path to the backyard, under the gate, there was a small hole and piles of dirt on either side. Closer inspection revealed this could only be the work of little rabbit feet. Tiny rabbit feet. Tiny little lucky rabbit feet.

Humans 1, Rabbit 1.

His luck ran out.

From what I hear, it’s illegal to fire guns in your own backyard inside city limits. From what I understand, it’s not looked kindly upon if you string a rabbit up by its little neck on your front porch as an example to any other rabbits thinking about snacking on you grass. Do you think I’m deterred? I think not.

From what I know, no one in the neighborhood or local police department has any problem with me digging a trench and putting a few bricks in the path underneath the gate. Yesterday morning, there was a small hole and dirt pile up to the bricks, but not under the gate.

Alcatraz is closed for the season. Thank you, try again later. Or never. It doesn’t really matter to me.

Humans 2, Rabbit 1.

Game Over.

Rabbits don’t dig tunnels, do they?