Things Learned While Spending 20+ Hours In A Car

-If you’re driving on a highway and a small rodent (like a gopher) runs across the road in front of you, lifting up your feet in the passenger seat will not prevent the wheel from making a small thump as it flattens said rodent. -The best type of highway patrol are the type that already have someone else pulled over.

-Time passes quickly if you can sleep in a car.

-While sleeping in a car passes the time quickly, the driver should try really, really hard to stay awake if at all possible.

-If the driver is going to sleep for 5 to 10 seconds, pick a straight empty stretch of highway to do so.

-Insects have lots of eyes. This does not mean they can see your car very far in advance. By the time they can see your car, they don’t know what it is anyway. Flowers along the roadside to not help this problem at all.

-The worst line I’ve ever heard after an insect has splattered itself across the windshield: “I bet he doesn’t have the guts to do that again.”

-When you are driving along the highway and the road starts to sound squishy as you drive over bumps, keep in mind that maybe it’s the front lip falling off your bumper because whoever put it on last didn’t put all the screws back in and when you scrubbed the bugs off the car it might have finally worked loose and that squishy sound is the lip rubbing on the highway. But it’s probably ok to keep going for at least 100 miles. Just avoid road kill if at all possible.

-The last thing probably isn’t relevant to anybody, but the lip stayed on the car (barely) by the two screws that were in, and outside of two nice flat spots on the bottom where it rubbed, nothing looks bad about it. Now if there would have been road kill in the center off the lane as we drove before realizing what was wrong, it might have been a different story.

-Take food with you; it’s cheaper than buying it along the way.

-Don’t take Cheetos – orange doesn’t go well with any car interior.

-When you leave for a week in a semi-desert condition and come back to monsoon season, chances are your grass has grown. Welcome to owning a house.