One Of These Things Smells Worse Than The Other

I know I said Rhiannon got the opportunity to be a housewife this week while she was on her spring break. I apologize – you were misinformed. Rhiannon gets the opportunity to play lab rat over her spring break instead. All the medical appointments she’s been putting off so she doesn’t miss work have been conveniently scheduled for this week. (Maybe lab rat isn’t the right term either – I hope all of the procedures she’s undergoing have been tested and approved long ago.)

On Monday, she visited our regular family physician (who I have yet to ever see) to have a stubborn wart on her little finger taken care of once and for all. We’ve done the home freezing kits; we’ve had a doctor freeze it – every time it came back a little bigger and a little madder than before. If it had been green with purple pants, I would have seriously considered the possibility the Incredible Hulk had taken up permanent residence on her finger.

Our regular family physician – he doesn’t go for the cold stuff. That’s probably ok seeing as it didn’t work in the past. He goes for the heat. And the scalpel. And for Rhiannon’s sake, the local anesthetic. A scalpel to scrap out all the Hulkish tissue and then the heat to cauterize the wound. According to Rhiannon, all she could feel was pressure as he was working. And then all she could smell was burning flesh.

From her own finger.

I felt ill later for her.

Today, she we to the dentist for the second time in the past two days. A tooth that was supposedly fixed last year wasn’t, and with the decay and improper filling that occurred, she is up to the point of needing a gold crown on one of her molars.

That’s right – my sweet wife will soon be sporting the bling. Are gold crowns considered a gateway drug to big medallions, groupies, and large chrome wheels?

Today the dentist prepped her tooth and put on a temporary crown. Again, more local anesthetic, but this time the instrument of torture was more of a grinder than a cutting tool. Again – from Rhiannon, ground tooth smells far worse than burning flesh. And it’s also harder to move your nose away from your own mouth.