Open Mouth, Insert Hands?

So I visited the dentist yesterday, and along with a super-duper deep cleaning and possible wisdom teeth removal, they said one of most important parts of healing my gums will be regular home care. Brush well two to three times a day. Use a mouthwash like Listerine twice a day. And floss regularly. Brushing – check. I already do this. Mouthwash – check. Nothing too hard. Flossing – che… I’m going to have to get back to you on that one.

I can floss. I’ve done it before. The front teeth are no problem. However, it isn’t the front teeth that particularly need flossing. It’s those hard to reach back molars. They are a problem.

My hands are more like paws than anything else outside of a baseball glove.

My hands don’t fit in my mouth.

Imagine a Pringles can. I hate Pringles cans. I like Pringle just fine, but when the chips get low and you have to reach into the can to get one, that’s where things go a little wrong for me. My hand doesn’t fit. And it isn’t a doesn’t fit like “Oh no, I got a little crumbs where my knuckle brushed the can”. It’s a “Oh No! This can will self-destruct in 0.8 seconds if you do not remove your club from the premises immediately!” type of not fitting.

So I end up turning the can over and dumping the Pringles out, and then they never stack back in the can like they were and the next person is “Hey, what kind of idiot doesn’t know how to take Pringles out of the can.”

And I raise my paw and then look down at the floor and say something about how they didn’t know and they were very sorry and they tell their children it isn’t nice to stare at the poor disfigured man.

And back to flossing. I can reach my back teeth. I have a decently large mouth. I can hold floss just fine in my hands. I can probably even do both of these at the same time. But to floss normal requires movement of the hands, and when they’re wedged in there all tight, movement isn’t the first thing on my mind. It’s more about keeping breathing and carefully extricating my hands without taking my jaw with them. So what to do?

I feel another reason why I love Rhiannon coming on.