I’ve Got Your Nose Hair Trimmer Right Here

When it’s very low humidity and a mucus monster has taken up residence in my sinus cavity, my nose dries out. I don’t know how this is possible since there is mucus constantly attempting to stream out two of my facial orifices. (Doesn’t it just sound more disgusting when nostrils are referred to as orifices?) But it does. So when I clear said passage ways and see blood, I’m not overly surprised. So far it hasn’t been life threatening - I haven’t required any transfusions, nor does my bathroom look like anyone has been killed in it. It’s been more annoying than anything. Especially when a sneeze causes the nose to very slowly ooze blood - slow enough I don’t dare blow and risk opening the faucet all the way. No, it just oozes and clots. And apparently those clots think they are at war and hunker down in their foxhole which happens to be my left nostril. And I, being the malevolent dictator I am, will not stand for this action. These clots are resilient. Blowing isn’t going to budge them. This was war and I pulled out the big guns: the dreaded finger.

I have to hand it to them. They put up a fight. I don’t know who looked worse after the battle. I had a red, slightly bloody and running nose and tears streaming down my face - they were in a Kleenex in the trash, and they took a vital part of me with them: a good portion of the hair from my left nostril.

Stupid head cold.